I’m starting to be nauseated.

I just heard that my life is about to change in ways I don’t want it to.

I’ve suspected it would happen. I suppose I should be glad that it’s taken this long. I could only duck and cover from this blight so much. Finally, it’s caught up to me. And there’s nothing I can say or do to avoid this infestation of my life, of my family’s life.

Fortunately, I don’t have an addictive personality(I don’t have the attention span or short-term memory for addictions — I’d get bored and forget to drink, smoke, shoot or whatever, which is also why I’m not a good speller, or good at long addition).

What was I saying?

Anyway, our IT person just walked into my office and announced that I would be getter the eternal technological tether, a BlackBerry.

Google blackberry and above the Web site it says this: “A wireless email solution for mobile professionals. It provides easy access to your business email wherever you go.”

I don’t want to be a mobile professional — when I’m mobile at work it’s because I’m getting away from work, often reading in various bathrooms I quite skillfully scope out for comfort and privacy; I believe I have a gift for this. I don’t need a solution to my business email; my solution is to drive away every afternoon between 5 and 6 and stay away for 14 hours!

Now I’ll never get away!

I feel violated.

I’m really going to hate it when this little gem of a ball-squeezer slips out of my shirt pocket and into the dogs’ water bowl … for as many times as it takes to rid myself of the dastardly device!