I want to poop on the rocks

We took a quick road trip to my folks’ house this weekend.
It’s typically a casual four-hour drive. We went up Friday afternoon and came back Sunday.
The last time we took this trip Ella was just flirting with potty training.
Now, it’s full bore. And the trip offered some entertaining moments.
I took a new route on the [...]

Define “naked”

Yesterday, Ella took off all her clothes and ran outside.
Trish: “Ella, come in here! You’re naked!”
Ella: “But Mommy, I’m wearing my shoes.”
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On one of the first few pages of “Go Dog, Go,” a little dog is pulling a big dog.
“Why?”
“I don’t know, Ella. Why?”
“Because his tummy hurts.”
“Why?”
“Because he ate a lion.”
“Really? Where?”
“Back here, on this [...]

My baby has wheels!

She cut the familiar profile
of a rookie trike rider;
leaning way back, her hands
squeezing the handlebars,
straining with the weight
of her cantilevered body,
her bottom pressed into the molded saddle,
her feet thrusting forward in syncopated rhythm.
She was independently mobile,
cutting her own swift, smooth current
atop shiny black asphalt!
Not her jaunty, lollygag strut,
not the uneven bounce of her toddler stride.
My [...]

Blister pack

I found them on the floor in her room. She hadn’t hid them, which means she didn’t feel the need to, which is probably good. They were there in plain site, inside the familiar wrapper.
I picked up the package, turned it over in my hands, felt the cool, slick foil, its edge jagged where it [...]

She’s got that peeing feeling

First, we had to teach Ella to raise the lid before peeing on, er, in the toilet.
Now we have to teach her to come inside the house, and into the bathroom, before removing her pants.
The good thing is that she’s getting the hang of recognizing when she needs to pee.
The bad thing is that she’s [...]

pestilence

I’m starting to be nauseated.
I just heard that my life is about to change in ways I don’t want it to.
I’ve suspected it would happen. I suppose I should be glad that it’s taken this long. I could only duck and cover from this blight so much. Finally, it’s caught up to me. And there’s [...]

I’m greeted at the door this afternoon with …

Come, Daddy! Come!
I want to play with you.
I want to play with you now. Now, Daddy.
Run! Run, Daddy! Let’s Run!
I love coming home. 

Literary influence of billy goat gruff

Duke ran into the woods
And Tiger ran into the woods.
And there are snakes in the woods. little bitty baby snakes. And GREAT BIG SNAKES.
And Duke and Tiger ate the snakes.
And Abby went into the woods.
And I put leashes on them, and told them, “lie down!”
And, and, and there were little bitty baby rabbits in the [...]

Lt. Col. Godfather

My old buddy Doug took another big step into maturity last week, leaving me in the dust.
The Dougster, one of the U.S. Air Force’s finest, stood proudly while his two daughters each pinned a silver oak leaf on his collar, signifying his promotion to lieutenant colonel.
Doug, and his glowing wife Jen, were the first married [...]

Meet Lard

I took one for the team yesterday.
I spent almost three hours with Buster’s dad, Lard, Lard Ass Hole.
This is a guy who stood in my freshly landscaped backyard, the place where I’ve spent literally hundreds of hours in the past few months, day and night, hoisting boulders and moving earth, and he told me, as [...]